Whoever coined the term ‘just like riding a bicycle’ knew exactly what they were talking about!!! After 8 to 10 years, I rode a cycle…. Again! It was exhilarating!!! To know that I will still be able to do what I used to do 2 chapters ago feels good.
About 3 or 4 months ago, I hit an all time low. I had completely lost interest in everything I loved doing. Everything became a monotonous routine to which I had to adhere to because… well… I had to. I am a mother, I can’t afford to spend time for myself, right? A mother of a really naughty toddler with loads of laundry and cooking and cleaning. Amidst the chaotic life that I led, I had time just enough to breathe. The stress of it all caught on, and I started lagging in my duties. I would forget to give my hubby his evening coffee or I would forget to do the laundry at the set time(which would later lead to a stinky smelly pile which irritated everyone and double my stress) or make breakfast late as a result of which the whole day’s rhythm was off. And we fought. There were days of uncomfortable silence with just the bare minimum being spoken. To add to it, someone said something insensitive about my writing and my blog and I deserted reading and writing altogether. I was a walking talking babbling blundering mess. You get the idea right?
What I didn’t get was that my thoughts were so handicapped. I thought I had no one to talk to and none who understood my plight. But then, thank God for friends and cousins. I spoke to this cousin who talked me out of my stupid ideas. And then enlightenment hit me like a slap in the face. How stupid could I have been to think that mothers cant spend time for themselves??? New mother or not!!!
But I was still not totally out of the-wallowing-in-self-pity phase. An aunt of mine told me that I have to be the one to help myself. No one could do that better than me. She told me to continue with my hobbies and never give up on them for anyone or anything. There couldn’t have been a better person to tell me that.
That’s when I decided come hail or snow I need to be there for me!! So I made a few changes. About a fortnight ago, I started yoga(which i had left in between.) We as a couple, improved, and I started writing my blog again and then yesterday I decided I was going to give cycling a try. How many times in your life do you really have epiphanies? I tried it and it felt goooood. It felt like…. when you really wanted to go the toilet badly and you have been controlling yourself for a long time, but you really couldn’t, and you finally saw one and just relieved yourself !!! You know that happiness you feel then? That’s what I felt when I realized I could still cycle!!! Even the pricking cold breeze felt great on my face, at that moment( despite the fact that I went back home with half an asthma attack).
I realized that I had mostly been holding myself back for fear of what people would think. Scared of people in this hypocritical society!!
See, the point I’m trying to make is, most of the time we handicap ourselves with our thoughts. We may feel that we have no one to talk to, but maybe, if we take the time to think, we might just realize that there have been people waiting to be there for us all along and, maybe, we did not let them. Don’t be scared to try out new stuff or stuff that you wanted to do so long ago. Or to try out the stuff that actually make you feel good. How much of your life will you sacrifice for fear of what others think? Maybe somebody just needs to see you as an example to do what they want to do.
Try it! And you will feel like you can cycle into oblivion!!!